Friday, March 8, 2013

#17 The Nanny is Too Literal

            One day Bartholomew was downtown shopping at his favorite t-shirt store. Across the store, he saw The Nanny and Geraldine.  He wanted to hide from Geraldine, but he wanted to talk with The Nanny.  He wasn’t sure what to do, but then The Nanny waved at him and both she and Geraldine walked over to where he was standing.  Geraldine lagged behind The Nanny.

            “Hey, Bartholomew,” said The Nanny happily.

            “Hey, The Nanny.  Hi Geraldine,” said Bartholomew being polite.

            Geraldine said nothing.

            The Nanny was wearing a black bodice with lace sleeves and silver metallic jeans with lips to match.  Her hair was pulled up in a bun and, as always, she had heavy black mascara around her eyes.  Bartholomew could see the chain of her large cross necklace around her neck.  Geraldine was wearing a plain, white, low-cut v-neck t-shirt that was about two sizes too small.  It was obvious she was not wearing a bra.

            Geraldine noticed Bartholomew noticing her chest.

            “Hi, Bartholomew,” she said perking up.  “I’ve missed you.  What you been up to?”

            “Uh…not much.  Just hanging out with some friends and stuff.”

            Geraldine put her arms behind her back and began swaying her chest back and forth like a hypnotist’s watch.

            “Maybe we could hang out again sometime?”

            “Yeah, uhm… maybe,” said Bartholomew forgetting that Geraldine doesn’t understand when people are just being polite.  “What are you guys shopping for?” he changed the subject.

            “We’re looking for some new spring clothes; shoes, new pants and a few t-shirts,” said The Nanny.

            “Yeah, and maybe some underwear,” added Geraldine.  “Want to shop with us?”

            “You know, Geraldine, perhaps Bartholomew has his own shopping to do.  You don’t need to have a guy help you with everything.  Remember, this is supposed to be some shopping time for me and you – girl time.”

            “That’s okay,” said Bartholomew, “I don’t really shop in the woman’s department.  I think I’ll be over here shopping for my stuff.”

by Raighne Hogan

            “Okay, maybe we can meet up at the food court or the bathrooms later,” encouraged Geraldine.  The Nanny rolled her eyes and then grabbed Geraldine by the shoulders.

            “All right, Geraldine, let’s head over to the women’s department.  It was nice seeing you, Bartholomew.  Good luck with your shopping.”

            “Good bye,” said Bartholomew.

            “See ya later,” said Geraldine as she flashed a toothy smile.

            Bartholomew went about his shopping.  He looked at cargo pants, shorts some sandals and t-shirts - lots of t-shirts.

            He turned to look at a rack behind him and bumped into The Nanny.


            “Huh? Sorry,” Bartholomew apologized for bumping into her.

“I’m really sorry about Geraldine being so pushy with you.”

“That’s okay,” said Bartholomew, “I kinda expect it from her.”
            The Nanny laughed.
            “I know that you and Geraldine dated for awhile last year.  I’m sure that the story I got isn’t accurate as to what happened.  But I want you to know that I’m working with Geraldine to help her see that she shouldn’t be so… needy.”
            Bartholomew laughed.  “Good luck!”

            “I have tried just about everything I can think of that is legal.  I just hope you don’t think too poorly of her.  She really is a nice girl, its just she needs some help to stay focused.  As I said, I’m sure what Geraldine told me wasn’t all true, but I can tell that she didn’t lie when she said you were the guy who has treated her the nicest.  That’s not saying much, considering most of the guys she’s been with, but I can tell that you are very kind to your girlfriends.”

            Bartholomew blushed, “Geraldine’s okay in my book.  We’re just two very different people and we don’t want the same thing.”  He paused.  “What I mean is, well, I mean maybe I do want what she wants, just not, you know, not
like she wants it.”

            The Nanny cocked her head and her brow creased slightly between her eyes.

            “I mean I would want it with…someone...who is…else.  I mean, it would be fine with someone else. But Geraldine isn’t the…maybe there is someone else - someone nicer, someone prettier.  Not that looks are all I’m about, I just mean…”  Bartholomew took a deep breath. “Where’s Geraldine?”

            “She took about twenty items into the dressing room.  She’ll be in there for about forty-five minutes.  Lord only knows what she does when she’s in a dressing room.  She takes for-eeeeeee-ver.”  

by Raighne Hogan

            Bartholomew looked over The Nanny’s shoulder and spied Geraldine talking to a young man who works at the store.  Together, they disappeared into the changing room area.

            “She just doesn’t stop, does she?” said Bartholomew.

            “She doesn’t stop what?  Changing?”

            “Uh, yeah, changing.  That must be why she takes so long in the dressing room,” answered Bartholomew.

            The Nanny stared blankly at him.

            “Anyway, I don’t want to talk about Geraldine anymore,” said The Nanny as she looked over her shoulder to check on her.  She turned back to Bartholomew.

“I would like to get together with you every so often.  Just check-in, talk, hangout.  Would that be okay with you?” asked The Nanny.

“Uh, yeah, that would be fine by me,” answered Bartholomew excited that The Nanny was interested in him.

“Great!  Would you be free this Thursday after I’m done with work?”

“Sure, I’m uh, sure that would be fine.”

“Let’s meet at McGliffkey’s,” said the Nanny.  “I’ll see you there at nine o’clock.”

“Okay,” said Bartholomew.

“And I won’t bring Geraldine,” laughed The Nanny.

“Good,” said Bartholomew with a big smile, “cuz that would be like trying to have a conversation while a dog is humping your leg.”  He immediately felt bad about comparing Geraldine to a dog and blushed because he was sure The Nanny would think he was a jerk for saying this.

“What did you say?” asked The Nanny.

Good.  She didn’t hear.

“Like a dog humping your leg?” she continued. 

Oh no! She did hear.

Bartholomew buried his face in a pile of t-shirts he was holding.  A dog humping your leg - what a stupid thing to say. 

“That gives me an idea,” The Nanny said to herself as she turned and walked away.

Bartholomew uncovered his face to apologize, or at least add something on a positive note, but when he looked up, The Nanny was nowhere in sight.


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