Monday, December 31, 2012

Bartholomew Makes Another Decision - Story

If I may continue on my previous track...

Making friends is a funny and mysterious process.  How much do you share with people before you really know them well?  Do you share your dreams?  There are times when it is perfectly normal to share your dreams and hopes with total strangers.  Like at a New Years Party when everyone starts talking about resolutions.  This is what happens with Bartholomew in Bartholomew Makes A Decision, the fourteenth story in The Book of Bartholomew.

Have you ever blurted something out, something that was the truth and embarrassing?  Bartholomew is so excited about his possible new friends that he shares more than he is comfortable with - but somehow he is comfortable with sharing a little too much.  He wants these people to know who he is and what is important to him.  He is happy to laugh at himself a little bit if it means he is actually getting closer to others.  Besides, sometimes laughing at yourself helps relieve the sense that you're a nerd.

This story is titled similar to the very first story in The Book of Bartholomew, Bartholomew Makes A Decision.  In that story, Bartholomew makes the decision that he needs friends in his life to help him make good decisions, so he doesn't get taken advantage of by people like Gerald.  In this story, he makes another decision - what he wants to do with his new friends.

Here is an excerpt from Bartholomew Makes Another Decision
             Topping stood in the doorway with a New Year’s hat on his head and a beer in his hand.
Bartholomew, come in!” he yelled above the din of music and conversation while handing him the beer.
             Bartholomew entered the small, warm apartment that was packed wall-to-wall with people. He had not been around this many people in a long time and felt a momentary sense of dread. But then he saw Ned standing in the kitchen by a table full of food. Ned waved a Donkey Burger at him. Topping and Bartholomew made their way through the crowd.
Hey, Bartholomew. How’s it going? You have a nice Christh-muth?” asks Ned as he stuffed a pig-in-a-blanket in his mouth.
Yeah, it was okay,” Bartholomew lied. Bartholomew had not enjoyed the holidays since his parents died. Was this really the third Christmas he celebrated without them? Could their deaths be that far away already?
             “What’d you do?” Ned asked as he grabbed another pig.
             “I went to Aunt Josephine and Uncle Jeffrey’s house and had brunch and exchanged presents. And exchanged presents with Oliver.”
             “Who’s Oliver?” asked Topping.
             “Oh, he’s my cat.”
             Topping snickered, “What did Oliver give you?”
             Bartholomew blushed a little. “My Aunt Josephine and Uncle Jeffrey buy me a present from Oliver every year…and three presents from Santa.” Bartholomew wasn’t sure why he shared that last part.
             Topping and Ned laughed.
             Wanting to change the subject, Bartholomew asked, “What did you guys do?”
             “I just went to my parent’s house,” said Ned after he finished laughing. “Nothing special.” He surveyed the cookie tray.
Charlotte and I went to my parent’s house and then her mom’s house,” said Topping. “My parent’s dog gave me a Christmas present,” he said looking mischievously at Bartholomew. “He took a whizz on my shoes.” They all laughed together.
Bartholomew, feeling hungry, glanced at the table. It was the usual party fare: store bought foods and a few homemade dishes that were of questionable origin but whose creators insisted they were the most delicious things they ever made. Bartholomew did not doubt these assertions, but chose to pass on the food for now.

Friday, December 28, 2012

Bartholomew Asks... What was your worst job?

In light of the present wrapping job Bartholomew had this holiday season, he wants to know: What was your worst job?



Share your response at The Book of Bartholomew Facebook Page.

Bartholomew Asks... What are your holiday food traditions?

After the story reading at Dreamland Arts at the end of November, some people stuck around to answer some of Bartholomew's questions.  Here, they answer the question: What are your holiday food traditions?



Share your response at The Book of Bartholomew Facebook Page.

Lunch Rap - The Music

The music for this week's story is by some guys over at Last Triumph collective.  I met JR at an art exhibit about rock and roll over in NE Minneapolis.  JR is a photographer and a musician.  His band is called Sine Circle and will be highlighted at a later story.  But JR is part of this collective and so he works with a lot of different people and they have put out cd's.  JR is responsible for hooking me up with the Dalia songs that were featured in stories #1: Bartholomew Makes a Decision and #6: Claire

In that tradition, this week you can hear some of JR's work in collaboration with MaLLy and DJ Snuggles on a song called Hot Sauce.  And it is HOT!!!!  Then you can hear Crunchy Kids  on a song called Opus.  Check out the music this week and check out the Last Triumph collective.  And thank JR while you're at it.


Thursday, December 27, 2012

Lunch Wrap- Illustrations

I recently was creating a logo for Donkey Burger, the fast-food restaurant in The Book of Bartholomew. A donkey was the first order of business. I needed to create a comical donkey head. Below are some trials of different donkey heads. You can see that I had a pretty good beginning and only tweaked hair, mouth, ears and eyes from this point. My first go is the upper left image in the group of eight. I didn't like the hair, so I printed out several incomplete donkey heads and then tried different hair styles.

After I settled on a hair style, bottom left, I wasn't happy with the ears.  I had one thin ear and one big ear.  They didn't match.  At first I copied and pasted the thin ear to the other side of his head, so they matched.  I didn't quite like this.  Then I created a big ear for the front, to match the one in the back. I liked this better.



Now that I had the donkey head like I wanted it (although I still want to change the eyes slightly) I made it into an official Donkey Burger logo by adding the name, some circles and stars and the tagline. I like circular logos.  I don't know why.  But I like how the donkey is in it, but also coming out of it with its ears overlapping the rings.  Stars and a red, white and blue color scheme for obvious patriotic reasons - only in America can you find the finest donkey meat burgers.  I like "Meat with a Kick," which is safer than the other choice of "Eat My Ass."



This logo will appear on the next published story in The Book of Bartholomew. The story is titled "Lunch Rap," and will be published on December 28, 2012 at bookofbartholomew.blogspot.com

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Lunch Rap - Writing the Story

Things were quiet for a moment as everyone decided it was too depressing to talk about jobs and money.

Bartholomew, could you pass me the fries?” asked Topping.

Topping noticed a tattoo on Bartholomew’s arm as he handed him the plate of french fries.

Nice tat!” said Topping.

Bartholomew was a little embarrassed but held out his arm to show everyone the moon tattoo on the tender underside of his right wrist. Then he showed them the sun tattoo on his left wrist.

Cooool,” said Ned.

Wow, I like how intricate they are,” said Claire. “Did you design them yourself?”

Sort of. I worked off of some designs I liked. They were originally drawn by Aristotle. But I did change them quite a bit,” said Bartholomew

What do they mean?” asked Ned.

Day and night,” said Bartholomew.

Well, duh!” said Topping with a mouth full of fries.

Why is the moon on your right wrist? Is there some meaning to that?” asked Claire.

Well, actually, yeah.” Bartholomew wasn’t sure how much he should tell them. He hadn’t really explained the tattoos to anyone before except to Uncle Jeffrey, Aunt Josephine, and Oliver his cat. Uncle Jeffrey and Aunt Josephine did not approve of tattoos, and especially of these tattoos.

Uh, the moon is on my right wrist because I am right handed and… at the time I got them… uh…my life seemed more dark than sunny,” Bartholomew said not looking at anyone.

Why was that?” asked Claire with a sympathetic look in her brown eyes.

Well…I got them soon after I lost both my parents.”

The other three wrappers sat stunned for a moment. Everyone heard the sound of a half-chewed french frie hitting the floor as Ned opened his mouth in disbelief.

Oh, I’m sorry,” said Claire as her face blushed red for having asked earlier if Bartholomew lived with his parents.

The room got quiet again.

The Butler walked in and began to remove empty plates and glasses from the table. He disappeared through a swinging door, returned promptly, and waited to the side of the table for Bartholomew to finish his lunch.

The four wrappers talked about a few recent movies they had seen. When Bartholomew had indicated he had finished eating The Butler grabbed his plate and announced, “Lunch is over. You may continue wrapping.”

The sound of chairs scraping on the floor reverberated throughout the room and Bartholomew, Claire, Ned and Topping filed out the door.

Lunch Rap is the second story dealing with Bartholomew's experience wrapping Christmas presents for Gerald's kids and meeting his new friends: Topping, Ned and Claire.  I originally wrote the two stories as one, but found it was getting too long.  I determined to make the first story about Gerald's children and how horrible they are.  This second story is about the process of making friends.  How do we talk to each other?  How do we ask questions?  At what point do you determine that an acquaintance is worthy of the investment of friendship?  What do you do then? How does your communication change at this point?   I find this all fascinating and explore this in several of the stories in The Book of Bartholomew. 

Even in my forties I find making friends an interesting endeavor.  It is much more complex, often with children and partners involved.  How does one man in his forties say to another man who is in his thirties, forties or fifties, "I like you.  Let's hang out."  I still haven't decided if it is even more awkward making a friendship with a woman, with all the possible sexual thoughts or feelings cropping up for both.  Either way, a true friendship, one where you freely share yourself, can lead to awkward moments.  But, it is worth it to muddle through in order to find a friend with whom you feel completely comfortable.  I have a few of them in my life and lean on them when I am confused or unsure about things.  They may not have answers for me, but they have an uncritical ear.  Most of the times that is all I need.  They are also the people with whom I laugh most freely.  It is sweet.

Lunch Rap will be published on December 28, 2012 at: bookofbartholomew.blogspot.com

Saturday, December 22, 2012

Christmas Wrap! - the Music by Barbara McAfee



Music for this week's story, Christmas Wrap!, is by Barbara McAfee.  These are two beautiful winter seasonal songs.  One is called Holy Cold and the other Simple Season.  Barbara is a singer/songwriter, keynoter, author, and voice coach who merges lessons from 12 years in organization development with the transformative power of music. Check out her website for her many cd's and her hot selling book Full Voice, the Art and Practice of Vocal Presence.  And, hey, have her keynote your conference.  You won't be sorry.  Thank you, Barbara.

Christmas Wrap - Published Today

Christmas Wrap!, the twelfth story of The Book of Bartholomew.is published today.  This tale of Christmas preparations has Bartholomew meeting Topping, Ned, Claire, Xavier and The Nanny for the first time.  There is a lot you can learn about people from their Christmas presents.

The story is illustrated by Mary Esch. Music provided by Barbara McAfee.

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Christmas Wrap - Illustrations by Mary Esch

The illustrations for Christmas Wrap were created by Mary Esch. Mary has created work previously for The Book of Bartholomew - Story #5: Bartholomew and Geraldine. Mary, once again, has created two wonderful images that capture the story.

In this first image, Mary captures a fight in one of the Christmas rooms. Two young men are struggling on the floor while

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Christmas Seek and Find Contest

The two images below are of Xavier's Christmas room, which you can learn more about in this week's story, Christmas Wrap, that will be published on Friday.  There are a total of 8 differences between the two pictures, can you find them?  If you correctly identify the 8 differences, you will win a Book of Bartholomew t-shirt (see below for image).  Deadline is December 31, 2012.










Correctly identify the 8 differences in the two pictures above in an email by December 31, 2012, and you will win a t-shirt that looks something like this!

 Good luck!

Monday, December 17, 2012

Christmas Wrap - Story

Usually, Gerald was as tight as a swollen door when it came to money. But there was one time each year when he would shower his children with gifts. That was Christmas. Gerald was so generous that each of his four children: Xavier, Mo, Khua and Geraldine each had their own special room, decorated with their own Christmas tree and presents.

Bartholomew showed up at Gerald’s mansion ready to wrap presents and hoping to avoid running into Geraldine. Thankfully, she was in school most of the day. Bartholomew arrived at the same time as three other young people who were to help wrap. The Butler showed each wrapper to a room in which they would spend the next three days wrapping and decorating for one of Gerald’s children. Bartholomew was worried that he would end up having to wrap Geraldine’s presents and decorate her Christmas room. Thankfully, he was assigned to Xavier.

Bartholomew walked through the wooden double-doors and found a gigantic room filled furniture and several tables piled high with items to wrap. In the corner was a ladder and boxes of lights, ornaments, and wall decorations. In the middle of the room was a thirteen-foot-tall evergreen tree.

“There are some directions over by the boxes on what to do with the decorations,” said The Butler gruffly, “and the wrapping paper, tape, and materials are over on the table. There are directions there, too. Certain presents need to be wrapped with certain paper. If you have any questions, you can push this button on the wall here and The Nanny will come and tell you what to do.”

Bartholomew turned to ask a question, but The Butler had already left the room.

           Bartholomew felt a bit overwhelmed by all the presents, so he decided to start with the decorations. On top of the boxes of decorations was a sheet of paper with very neat hand-written directions accompanied by a detailed sketch of the room with the decorations in place. On a second page was a drawing of the tree with all of its ornaments and strings of lights. Bartholomew thought this would be easy.
This story follows Bartholomew as he takes a short job to make some money to buy Christmas presents.  He not only ends up back at Gerald's house, but he also meets Topping, Claire and Ned from previous stories.  He also meets The Nanny, with whom he has many encounters down the road.  This story has a companion story that will be the next one published.  But in this story, Bartholomew and his new friends find out  how dysfunctional Gerald's kids really are.

This story has an interesting origin.  A friend of mine was a Christmas present wrapper for a famous writer who lives in California.  I don't remember the writer's name, she wrote either romance or mystery novels.  This writer had a different room for each of her three children in which there would be a tree and their presents.  It took my friend three days to wrap the presents for one of the children.  I must say that I really can't relate to having that much money, but I thought it would make an interesting setting for a story.

Christmas Wrap will be published December 21, 2012.

Someone To Call Home - Now Available to Read

You can now read Someone to Call Home at The Book of Bartholomew.

Topping has bad news for Charlotte when he returns home from work.  She is making pizza and a salad.  They sit down at the folding table and chairs to have dinner.  "Are you okay?" she asks...

Written by Mark Granlund, music by Yata and Kelly Jo Roth.

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Someone to Call Home - Music

This week's music is provided by two different performers: Kelly Jo Roth and Yata!


Some of you might know Kelly Jo from the story reading performance last month at Dreamland Arts.  She played piano, sang songs and was a perfect musical interpreter of the stories read that evening.  Here again, Kelly Jo has written a wonderful song for The Book of Bartholomew.  It is titled Waiting.  Instead of piano, she is on ukelele in this song about waiting for her love to come home.  It is a very catchy tune that will not leave your brain.  I find myself singing it around the house often.


The second musician is Yata.  Some of you may be familiar with Yata from story #2: Gerald Teaches a Life Lesson.  Two of his songs were featured there.  This week's song was chosen for Someone To Call Home by Yata.  We were at a cabin up north with many other artists this last summer.  Everyone took a turn playing music or sharing a poem, etc.  I read this story to the crowd.  After the story was over, Yata wanted to play this song for me because my story had reminded him of it.  It is a song he wrote about his wife.  I was blown away.  A couple of days later we recorded the song in a little 10' x 10' room out over the water.  The violin is played by Terry Elliot on just the second take.  She had not heard the song before - I could tell stories about how amazing a violin player she is, too.

Both of these songs capture so well the feelings I had while writing this story, a sense of longing, a sense of oneness, a sense of peace found in someone you love.

Someone to Call Home will be published tomorrow, 12/14/12 at The Book of Bartholomew.

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

The Book of Bartholomew Gifts

This week's story has, for the first time, some related gifts items. 

Uncle Cy's World's Greatest Dad Coffee Mug - $15.95 



This mug is an exact replica of Uncle Cy's coffee mug (see: The Book of Bartholomew Story #11: Someone to Call Home), minus the coffee stains on the inside.  Mug is inscribed with the phrase "World's Greatest Dad" and the word "asshole" written over the word "Dad."  Let your father know exactly how you feel!  Great for Christmas or Father's Day!
Warning: for men who are confident in their familial relationships.


SALAD T-SHIRT - $27.75







Are you a salad eater? Wear what you eat! This ink illustration of an actual salad eaten by the creator of The Book of Bartholomew is fun, crisp and completely vegan.  Have people spend hours staring at your chest trying to identify the lettuce, cheese, red peppers and apple chunks.  T-shirt is a 100% fine jersey cotton unisex shirt, by American Apparel, and is the softest, smoothest shirt they sell. It’s medium weight and made from combed cotton for your added comfort. Gives a flattering and stylish fit to virtually any body type. Made in the USA. Other colors available.
Warning: people might stab you with a fork or pour dressing on you!

Original Salad or Water Glass Ink Illustration: - $65

12" x 12" ink illustration by Mark Granlund
8" x 12" ink illustration by Mark Granlund
Original artwork from The Book of Bartholomew, now available for purchase.  Price includes shipping in U.S.A.  To purchase, email Mark Granlund.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Someone to Call Home - Illustrations

Someone to Call Home is a simple story, therefore it needed a few simple illustrations. The pizza oil painting (that's an oil painting of pizza, not a painting of pizza oil) is the cover image for the story. The glass of water and salad are in the interior of the story. Simple, like Toppings love for Charlotte. Illustrations are by the author Mark Granlund



Someone to Call Home will be published December 14, 2012 at www.bookofbartholomew.com

Monday, December 10, 2012

Someone to Call Home - Story

Even before he opened the apartment door, Topping could smell the pizza that Charlotte was baking. He entered, took off his shoes and brought his lunchbox into the kitchen and placed it on the counter.

“Hi Honey,” Charlotte said while making salad.

Topping walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist and buried his face into her long brown hair. He moved his hands feeling the smoothness of her stomach and then placed them gently on her breasts. He kissed Charlotte on the neck.

“Okay, Tiger,” Charlotte said with a smile. “I’m saving that for dessert.”

Topping hugged Charlotte while she finished making the salad.

“Could you check on the pizza?” Charlotte asked as the timer bell rang.

Topping reluctantly pulled his arms from around her and turned to open the oven door. The heat rolled out onto his face and his skin hurt for a moment. The pizza was done. Topping grabbed an oven mitt that resembled a chicken. He closed the beak around the pizza tray and pulled it out of the heat. Charlotte buys frozen cheese pizzas and then adds her own toppings. This makes her feel like a chef. Tonight she decorated the large disk of cheese with some pepperoni, black olives and green pepper slices.

Topping and Charlotte’s apartment is always hot beyond their control. Though it is only twenty degrees Fahrenheit outside, Charlotte is wearing a simple summer print dress with spaghetti straps. She places the salads on a small card table next to glasses of ice water. Topping admires her bare legs and arms, her neck and clavicle bones. He dishes out slices of pizza on a couple of chipped plates and brings them over to Charlotte who is sitting on a folding chair.

Someone to Call Home is a very short story that introduces Topping and Charlotte, a young couple who live together.  Topping comes home from working at his Uncle Cy's car painting shop to find Charlotte cooking dinner.  He has some bad news to tell her.  He takes his time, waiting for the right moment.

At it's heart, Someone To Call Home is about finding your place of peace in your partner.  If you can find peace in each other, any crisis can be handled.  But it is not easy for a young couple. Fortunately, these two are an exceptional couple.

Someone to Call Home will be published on December 14, 2012 at bookofbartholomew.blogspot.com.

Friday, December 7, 2012

Bartholomew and a Carload of Trouble - Music by Thea Ennen

Thea and I go way back to July of 2012.  We met up nort' on Mallard Island.  All week long she was making a textile art piece of a tree.  It was beautiful and I thought that was what she did as an artist.  She sang a couple of songs in the evenings when everyone else pulled out their guitars and the piano, but she didn't seem to want to play or sing much.  Then, when leaving, she gave me a cd of hers.  I listened to it at least half the drive home - about 2 hours.  I listened to it over and over.

From Thea's website:  

I sing and write to make a sense of my existence - my place in this world, in this body. Each song is a specific journey down a road that is either familiar or less traveled... they are my magic carpets to see again a memory or expectation. I use songs - melodies and words - to guide me, like a rudder through the waters of life. Sometimes I like to take a forgotten channel to the mouth of a secret lake.

I think I sing in public to reassure this kind of journey- to never lose touch with what is instinctual.
-Thea Ennen

THE SKINNY:
Long a favorite is the club/coffee house circuit of the Midwest, piano-playing/singing/songwriting, Thea Ennen is an artist in every sense of the word (she also writes poetry, draws, sculpts, does arts and crafts and even designs clothing for theatrical productions.) Her self-produced, self-penned "All Aboard" won her the Minnesota Folk Recording of the Year.

SOUNDS LIKE:
One might superficially classify Thea's music as countryfolk, but that would be selling her far to short. She is simply a wonderful songstress, with a penchant for creating music that is multi-textured, melodically rich and lyrically adept.
-"Album Network"

THE CURATOR:
With a full creative plate, Thea has undertaken curatorship of The Little Parrot Art Sanctuary in Stillwater, Minnnesota where she tends the creative spawn of local artists in the St. Croix River valley.

I'm so happy to have Thea helping out with The Book of Bartholomew.  She is very generous - flowers grow in her footprints. 

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Bartholomew and a Carload of Trouble - Illustration

The main illustration for Bartholomew and a Carload of Trouble shows Geraldine having mounted Bartholomew in his 1974 Peugeot. But, of course, the fires of passion between Bartholomew and Geraldine manifest themselves in real flames. Bartholomew is more afraid of the flames than willing to be consumed by them. The first image here is the ink drawing I (Mark Granlund) created from some small sketches. 

This next image is the coloring created for the illustration. And when you place the ink drawing over the coloring layer you end up with the image below. The view outside the windshield is from a woodland painting I created years ago. I was happy with the drawing and the coloring, but something wasn't translating when it was finished. Then I added the darker coloring to Geraldine's eyelids and the image came together for me.


Bartholomew and a Carload of Trouble will be published December 7, 2012 at The Book of Bartholomew

Monday, December 3, 2012

Bartholomew and a Carload of Trouble - Story

     Bartholomew and Geraldine were driving down the road in Bartholomew’s car, a 1974 Peugeot, white with pink side panels and chrome trim. The car had been his father’s who kept it in the garage and only drove it on special occasions. They were heading to the Mountains of the Great Divide for a picnic lunch on the hottest day of the summer. Geraldine had suggested the outing as a way for Bartholomew to make up for burning down her father’s cabana. She also insisted on Bartholomew’s father’s Peugeot, as she thought it looked European, which it was.
     “Oh Bartholomew,” gushed Geraldine, “You are so romantic taking me to the mountains for a picnic. Did you bring the food I asked for?”

     “Uh, not all of it,” said Bartholomew. “I brought sunflower butter and beet sandwiches on oat croissants, corn, some kale and a dessert. Oh, and some apple-carrot juice. Of course, it is all organic.”

     “I didn’t ask for any of that disgusting food. Didn’t you bring the pickled pig’s feet, Donkey Double Cheeseburgers, chips and bubblegum ice cream? Didn’t you bring any of that?”

      “No,” said Bartholomew, twitching in his seat a bit. “I guess I didn’t understand.” But he did understand. Bartholomew didn’t like the food Geraldine requested so he brought the food he liked. He was beginning to think that he and Geraldine had many obstacles to becoming a couple. After all, they didn’t like the same food or movies and Geraldine didn’t like to read. Also, Oliver, Bartholomew’s cat, didn’t like Geraldine and Gerald, Geraldine’s father, didn’t seem to like Bartholomew, even though he often said quite the opposite.

     “Bartholomew, you look just like a race car driver behind the wheel of this car. It’s like you’re Jimmy Stewart or Cam Gordon or some racing guy like that,” said Geraldine.

      Bartholomew smiled and enjoyed the feeling of driving the twisting and turning mountain roads, the sun above, the cool wind on his sweaty skin and a girl by his side-- someone who thinks he’s something special.

Bartholomew and a Carload of Trouble has Bartholomew and Geraldine going on a picnic. This is the last of three "date" stories for Bartholomew and Geraldine. There are similarities in all three stories: there is passion, there is fire and there is confusion. In each, Bartholomew is left with a decision to make about Geraldine and their compatibility. In a relationship, this can sometimes be a very hard decision to make. Some girl or boyfriends are great fun, and they have a special quality or two. But at the same time they might have a perspective on life that will never mesh with yours. Or, they may have some difficult behaviors, or stupid friends or cold families, or... But of course, the question always comes down to "can you be yourself within the relationship without any reservations, and with that accomplished, does the relationship actually help you grow into a more loving and giving self?"

Bartholomew has a hard time being himself in the relationship and being honest about his doubts. What do you do with someone like Geraldine? Bartholomew doesn't know until he is forced to express himself and his true feelings.

Bartholomew and a Carload of Trouble will be published on December 7, 2012 at bookofbartholomew.blogspot.com.
To read the other "date stories" of Bartholomew and Geraldine, read:
Geraldine,
Bartholomew and Geraldine
Bartholomew and the Cabana Fire

Friday, November 30, 2012

Hope This Helps - What If I Was Different...?

Dear HTH,
I am wondering if you can help me. I once lived with a man who, unfortunately, liked to play Fantasy Football more than hangout with me. Although the relationship ended more than a year ago, I keep having the nagging feeling I somehow didn't give enough of myself to keep him. Maybe it would have worked out if I didn't always put stipulations on him or if I would have just rolled with the punches. I don't mean literal punches, the relationship was never abusive. Some days, I wonder if I was pushing him away. I don't want to get back together with him, but I do think about him and wonder if it might have been different if I was.

Unsure And Doubting
Buffalo, MN

Dear Unsure,
Topping: Hmmm... it sounds like you're unsure about things.

Charlotte: Very observant, Mr. Her Name Is Unsure.

Topping: No, I really meant it. She seems... straddled.

Charlotte: Straddled?

Topping: Yeah, straddled. Like one leg in wanting to be something else for someone else and one leg in wanting to have it the way she wants it. And not knowing which way she should go.

Charlotte: Oh, yeah, that's good. I was going to go another way with this e-mail, but I like where you're going with it. Say more.

Topping: Well, Unsure, you should really ask yourself a couple of questions. Or maybe just one question: Why isn't being what your boyfriend wants and being what you want the same thing?

Charlotte: Whoa, Topping. Way to be direct. Maybe even a little “ouch!” Unsure, it is an important question. Sorry if we're a little abrupt here.

Topping: Oh, was that abrupt? Sorry, it was just such an obvious question to me. I apologize if it came out a little... uh, abruptly. What way were you going to go with this?

Charlotte: I noticed that there actually wasn't a question in her question. Unsure simply made statements and comments about her situation. I don't know what it is she is looking for except she wonders if it would have been different if she had been different.

Topping: Oh, yeah, didn't even notice there wasn't a question. Good one, Char. What would your answer be?

Charlotte: Of course things would have been different if you had been different. But would your relationship have lasted longer if you were different? Better yet, what if he was different, too? What if you were both different people at a different time, let's say the 1970's. And what if you lived in a different country. Maybe he has a unibrow and you are missing a leg, unless, of course if he already has a unibrow and you are missing a leg.

Topping: Yeah, and what if he was a she and she was a motorcycle?

Charlotte: Oh, Topping, don't be ridiculous.

Topping: Yeah, but I like where you are going with this. It's much more fun than my direction. Mine was a little direct and, well, maybe abrupt.

Charlotte: Unsure, you are where you are because you are you. Might as well face it: if your not happy with where you are in life, perhaps you're not happy with yourself.

Topping: “Ouch!” What did we do, roll out of the wrong side of the bed this morning?

Charlotte: Now that I read that again, it does seem a little harsh. Sorry, Unsure, I just meant that you can't change who you are. You have to accept where you are and move forward. You said your boyfriend liked playing Fantasy Football more than being with you. Even if you were different, would he? You are where you are right now because that is who you are. If you want your life to be different you have to be different.

Topping: Yeah, its like direct drive on a motorcycle.

Charlotte: Wha?

Topping: You turn the throttle and it immediately turns the rear wheel, there's no going through gears and shafts, etc. That's life: direct drive. If you want life to be a certain way, then act. Wishing or regretting doesn't do anything.

Charlotte: Yeah well, Unsure, I think you get where we are coming from. If we were a little abrupt and maybe a little harsh, we apologize. But...

we hope this helps.

Aunt Josephine's Long Ride - PUBLISHED TODAY!!


Aunt Josephine's Long Ride is the ninth story in The Book of Bartholomew.  Aunt Josephine travels to a friend's funeral.  On the return trip, with an old classmate, Aunt Josephine discovers a friend's secret.  The story has a beautiful cover illustration by Martha Iserman.  Songs by the Jerry Rau Band and Gabriella Sweet.


A previous blog entry shares that this story came out of my wondering what the conversation would be like if my old college roommate and myself were traveling for 6 - 8 hours in a car.  Sometimes it is a bit scary to visit old relationships.  In this case, the revisiting was fun.  What was scary was writing a story wherein the two characters are stuck inside a car.  There isn't much action to show in a six hour car ride.  It can become too much dialogue and it can be easy to lose the reader by being far too introspective.  I was very relieved when my editor said that she enjoyed reading the story so much that she forgot to stay in editor mode.

I hope you enjoy this one.  I know I always say it, but it is one of my favorites.
bookofbartholomew.blogspot.com

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Christmas Wrap - Storyreading and music - TONIGHT!

CHRISTMAS WRAP!!
The Book of Bartholomew Holiday Story Reading

Thursday, November 29, 7:30pm. Tickets $15





The Book of Bartholomew author, Mark Granlund, will be reading a Christmas-time story from The Book of Bartholomew, there will be holiday music by Kelly Jo Roth, some food, and, of course, some audience participation. Yes, you can be part of the performance and, if you want, end up online as part of The Book of Bartholomew.

Christmas Wrap – Bartholomew gets a short-term job wrapping presents for Gerald's almost adult kids. He makes new friends, but what is it they are wrapping? And why do such old kids have a nanny? By the end, Bartholomew has a little cash in his pocket and a lot of questions, in particular, will he survive to see Christmas?

This holiday story is not for young children – language and adult situations.

Dreamland Arts is a great neighborhood 40 seat theater. It promises to be fun evening! Tickets are available through the theater at the link below.

Dreamland Arts
677 Hamline Ave. N., St. Paul MN 55104

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Aunt Josephine's Long Ride - Illustration

The cover illustration for Aunt Josephine's Long Ride, the ninth story in The Book of Bartholomew, is by Martha Iserman.  It is an ink drawing with watercolor.  The illustration shows Riva, Aunt Josephine's passenger, looking out the window of the car.

Martha also created the illustration for Uncle Jeffrey The Violinist.  (to see the story and Martha's illustration, click on the title).  Martha is constantly amazing me with the work she is posting on her Facebook page and website.  You can check out more of her work at her website www.bigredsharks.com or at her Facebook Page or at Deviant Art where you can purchase prints of her work. You truly will enjoy looking at her work.

Aunt Josephine's Long Ride is to be published on November 30, 2012.

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Internet Geocache 1 - See Nice Things, Say Nice Things

Internet Geocache?  What the heck is this?



Do you know what geocache, or geocaching, is?  Well, here is an official website to explain it to you.  Yes, it's a treasure hunt.  What is Internet Geocache?  It's a treasure hunt on the internet.  Just as in geocache, you are given coordinates and asked to find something of value, in internet geocache, you are given a clue to a website.  You visit the website and hunt for the clue to the next site.  Now geocache is not just about finding objects, it is about discovering new places and leaving something for the next person to find.  Often, in the cache, one takes out something and replaces it with something else.  In Internet Geocahe, you visit a website and gain knowledge about a subject or an organization.  In exchange, you should leave something positive. If the site you visit is a Facebook Page, leave a comment about what you liked at the page.  If it is a website for an organization, leave a positive message about what you saw.  Geocache is about give and take - so give something good, maybe a comment, maybe a poem, maybe an image or saying...

Here goes the first try:
- We will start with a website associated with this week's story:  Click here to go to the first webpage.

- At this website, look around, see amazing things, leave a comment and then visit the blog.  At the blog, go to the entry on 10/14/2012. In the search box at the top of your screen, type in the kind of animal in this entry followed by the word "como."

- Click on the first website that comes up in the search.  Look around at the website.  Learn some things.  Leave a nice message.

- Click on the "Attractions" button.  Then click on the first link under "Family Fun."

- Look around, learn something and leave a nice message.  Especially check out "Adopt a Pony" and "Restoration."

There, you have now discovered three great places, things, people.  Not only that, but you received some great info, images, etc.  and left nice messages.  It's a good start to a good day.

Thanks for playing Internet Geocache!.

Aunt Josephine's Long Ride - Music

There are two beautiful songs that accompany the story this week.  The first is by the Jerry Rau Band.  Jerry Rau has been around the Twin Cities performing for as long as any of you can remember.  Also known as the Minnesota Minstrel, it's not uncommon to see him playing on the streets of the West Bank.  He writes beautiful narrative songs from a folk tradition.  This song, When I'm Gone, is one that I was not familiar with.  I have many cd's and been to many concerts.  I became acquainted with Jerry Rau through his lead guitarist, Mark Hoornbeek.  I have known Mark for a couple decades.  We grew up in neighboring towns outside Chicago, but never met until we lived on the same block in Saint Paul in the 1990's.  Mark has a beautiful clean guitar style that fits so well with Jerry's wonderful song writing.  Mark is also a member of another folk inspired band, Sonic Love Child.
Jerry Rau Band Facebook Page
Jerry Rau Band MySpace Page

The second song is by Gabriella Sweet, one of the finest people you will ever meet.  I don't know how many instruments Gabriella plays, but she is quite diverse and often carries her instruments with her.  There is nothing like spending a summer's afternoon on a beach listening to Gabriella playing her guitar, or other instruments, and singing.  It reminds you that this world isn't crazy-curvey, topsy-turvey.  This song, Lac due Flambeau, is beautiful.  I can imagine Aunt Josephine listening to this song, and others like it, on her car ride to the funeral.  The title means Lake of Fire.  Don't ask me to translate the rest of the words - I just think this song is a beautiful fit to the story.  Thank you Gabriella!

Monday, November 26, 2012

Aunt Josephine's Long Ride - Story

      After the funeral was over, people began to leave, but Aunt Josephine stayed around the cemetery for a while. She wanted to reminisce with people instead of starting her long ride home. When she finally walked to her car, she was approached by someone. It was Riva! They hugged.
      “I’m so glad you’re here,” said Aunt Josephine. “We didn’t see you at the funeral. Jerri and Gwaine were here.”
      “Yeah, I was keeping a low profile,” said Riva, “you know how emotional I get.”
      “Jerri and Gwaine would have loved to see you. They were saying how they miss you.”
      Riva just stared at Aunt Josephine.
     “Would you mind, Aunt Josephine,” said Riva, “if I catch a ride home with you?”
     “What?” asked Aunt Josephine.
     “Can I get a ride home with you?”
     “But I live six hours away. Why would you…is everything okay Riva? Are you and George okay?”
     “Actually, I dumped George about a year ago. I’m on my way to see a friend who lives near you. My car is having issues,” Riva said rolling her eyes, “and I was going to take a bus, but it would be much nicer riding with you.”
     “Absolutely, I would love the company!” said Josephine, unsure if Riva was being honest.
     “Thanks,” said Riva.
     “This is actually a relief,” said Aunt Josephine. “I was dreading the long ride home by myself and this will give us a chance to catch up.”
      “That’s just what I want,” said Riva.
Aunt Josephine's Long Ride is a story about relationships, regrets and reconciliation.  Josephine travels many hours to a funeral of a college friend.  It is the ride back home with a college roommate, Riva, that this story is about.  This story began as an exercise in my head: what would the conversation be between myself and a college roommate if we were stuck in a car together for six hours.  My former roommate is a conservative evangelical Christian.  I am not. I wondered what that conversation would be like.  This sounds like it could be a set-up for very political arguments.  But I have many friends who are conservative Christians and the conversation rarely goes toward political point-making.  This story is a personal conversation about personal lives and personal decisions.  The two characters in the conversation have different perspectives and different motivations.

Aunt Jospehine's Long Ride will be published on November 30, 2012 at bookofbartholomew.blogspot.com

Thursday, November 22, 2012

Ned the Giant - Music by Phantom Tails

Wow, I feel like a giddy school girl.  I love Phantom Tails and am so happy to have two of their songs here accompanying the Ned the Giant story.  And the real sweet part of this deal is that Matt Wells, the illustrator for the story, is also the illustrator for the covers of Phantom Tails' cd's.  It just doesn't get more full-circle and pregnant with meaning than that. 

 CityPages wrote this about Phantom Tails:

In one of the most fertile 12-month periods of local music in recent memory, more than a few forerunners emerged for the all-too-vague category of Best New Band. But few bands have managed to pinpoint the sound of 2011 better than Phantom Tails, whose multi-genre approach stitches together far-reaching elements like 8-bit electro squeals, snarling Britpop wails, and gloomy prog-rock meanderings into a forward-thinking pop sound that's undeniably catchy. Think an even nerdier, glitchier version of the Gorillaz, or the Sex Pistols partying down at a goth rave with the Mad Hatter. In an era in which genre lines are being blurred faster than bands can delete their MySpace pages, Phantom Tails' charismatic mixed-bag music is a welcome sound indeed.

For those of you who do not know the Twin City music scene, well, it is a popping.  Most people remember the era of Prince (the glyphed one), the Suburbs and the Replacements when they think of the Mpls music scene.  But I think the current cluster of bands and musicians in the Twin Cities is overall deeper than the scene back then because the music world has expanded greatly here.  We now have the Current and the McNally Smith School of Music.  We still have First Avenue but have enumerable good venues that have music 5 - 7 nights a week.  And we have Phantom Tails.

The Armageddon Experience by Phantom Tails

This weeks story, Ned the Giant, features the songs Real Savage and The Oven of Romance.  A snippet of the lyrics for one song are featured in the written story, as well.  I'm very excited and hope you will check out Phantom Tails and Ned the Giant, this Friday, November 23, 2012.

And have a Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Ned the Giant - Illustrations


I am happy to have Matt Wells back again doing illustrations for the story Ned the Giant.  These are Matt's two wonderful illustrations for the eighth story in The Book of Bartholomew. As the story opens, Ned is busy in his bedroom putting the finishing touches on a model of a German Stuka fighter plane.  Ned has a bit of an imagination and here Matt captures a dogfight between the Stuka and another plane.I love the perspective and angles on the planes.   I also like the angle and relationship between the two planes - and the tracers (the bullets) are really cool!  Matt has combined a very realistic drawing style with soft coloring.  I find the hues to be beautiful.  Although it is an illustration of war planes, I think it is one of the most beautiful in the book.


In the second illustration, Matt has done an epic job of  capturing the fear of embarrassment that Ned has about people seeing him large and naked.  Here Ned dwarfs the mob of people who are witnessing his size.  Of course, perhaps most embarrassing for a young man would be the exposure of his genitals, or, as you might say "the big man's little man."  Ned's gnarled and twisted sense of exposure is so deftly captured in the positioning of his hands and his giant clumsy-like feet.

Time and again, the artists working with me on this book make me laugh because they have so masterfully captured the feelings of the characters.  Matt will be joining us again down the road in the next book of stories. For more information about Matt, go to his personal webpage at www.lizardmanart.com

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Oliver the Cat Drawing Contest Winner

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the results are in for the Oliver the Cat drawing contest.  And the winner is....

Before we get to that, I would just like to thank everyone who entered drawings and those who voted and or even looked at them.  Your involvement is much appreciated.  The drawings, though not numerous, were of high quality and pixy like character. And without any further adieu...

That's French, by the way.  It means "farewell" or "goodbye."  Thus, it means "without any more farewells."  This is a phrase used when leaving or moving on or transitioning.  It simple suggests that we no longer will say goodbye, we will just part or be on our way.

So, with no further adieu...

The winner is...

yes, well, it just isn't that easy is it.  I mean we had some very young readers submit drawings of cats.  I don't want to just call one the winner and make the rest feel like losers.  That's just not right.  Fortunately, there was a three-way tie between drawing #1, #2 and #4.
If the winners could please contact me via email or Facebook message, we can make arrangements for the prize.  With three cat drawings I will have to write a new story.  I will inform everyone when that is complete.

Thanks again everyone.  Much fun looking at the drawings.

  

Monday, November 19, 2012

Ned the Giant - Story

Yes!” Ned said as he pumped his fist and made a face as if he had just confidently and capably defeated a Sumo wrestler. He turned away from the model plane, leaving it to cure until morning. He walked to the bathroom making noises that, to him, resembled the noise of an airplane engine that was straining into a steep climb, needed a gallon of oil and was misfiring one piston. Anyone else would have thought he was just making noise. As he brushed his teeth, the plane engine continued, except now it flew through a rainstorm.

Ned walked to his bedroom, took off his clothes except his underwear, set his alarm, turned off the lights and slipped under his covers.

“Ugh!” Ned thought as his job began to make its way into his consciousness.

“I don’t want to go to work tomorrow,” he said to his ceiling. He thrashed about in his sheets. He plumped his pillows. He turned from side to side.

“God, I hate my job!” Ned yelled at his nightstand. In the dark, he could see the clock read 12:10 am. A dull ache permeated his bones. He thought about when he was eleven years old and how his bones and knees would hurt when he was in a growth spurt. One summer he grew an inch and a half. While lying in bed, he calculated he had grown one eighth of an inch per week that summer. Ned tossed and turned until 12:30 am before he finally fell asleep.

        “…And you put your arms around me,
and then you linger on,
and tell me that your body is not your own...”

Ned rolled over to swat the radio’s sleep button and fell on the floor.

Startled, he quickly got to his knees and looked at his bed. He rubbed his eyes. His bed had shrunk overnight. He looked around the room and everything seemed to be normal, but smaller. Ned thought he was imagining things, but then he realized that his underwear must have shrunk overnight as well. He stood up and walked to his dresser. He tried on a few more pairs of underwear, but they all were too small. Ned found a pair of athletic shorts with a draw string and tried them on. They would have to do.

Ned ducked under the doorway and walked to the kitchen. He pulled out some Toxic-Puff cereal and ate the entire box. He was still hungry. He downed the carton of milk – still hungry. He ate three slices of leftover pizza, five pieces of toast, and something leftover from days gone-by which he didn’t recognize. He was still hungry, but Ned decided to stop eating before all his food was gone. Heading back to his room he ducked even further than before under the doorway. That’s when he heard it. His shorts split right down the crotch and Ned was flapping in the wind. At the thought of having no clothes that could possibly cover his body, Ned said “Shit.”
 Ned is a young man who is twenty-three years old. He doesn't like his job.  His last roommate seemed bothersome to Ned so he kicked him out.  Now his rent is too expensive and he needs to find another roommate.  He has no girl-friend.  In general, Ned is not happy with where his life is at.

People have asked me if, when I am writing about these characters, they are based on someone I know.  Although there are snippets of people I know here or there in the characters, they are mostly different aspects of myself.  Ned is my disgruntled side.  Ned is not quite happy with anything. He is trying to find a place in this world that truly represents and fulfills all of his inner desires and needs. It is a tough road ahead for Ned.  He really doesn't want to grow up. he would like to remain a kid who plays with model airplanes and doesn't have a care in the world.

This is an introductory story to Ned who, for a short time, becomes a giant.  Perhaps he learns something about growing up - and up.

Friday, November 16, 2012

Bartholomew and the Cabana Fire - PUBLISHED TODAY!

The seventh story of The Book of Bartholomew is published today!!  Bartholomew and the Cabana Fire is a short story of passion unleashed! Bartholomew and Geraldine find themselves alone in a poolside cabana.  Will the fires of passion over take them or will Kyle the pool-boy and his hose get in the way?

Check out the story, wonderfully illustrated by Twin City comic artist Tim Jennen, accompanying music by the Miami Dolphins, at:
Batholomew and the Cabana Fire

Bartholomew and the Cabana Fire - Music by the Miami Dolphins

It is my great pleasure to introduce the Miami Dolphins to The Book of Bartholomew community. The Miami Dolphins are a surf punk/horror-surf band from Saint Paul/Minneapolis.  They write short fast songs that capture an abundance of energy and raw performance.  Patrick Larkin, the engine behind the band, also writes zines and creates the cover imagery for each of their albums.

Cover image from Neon and Foam by the Miami Dolphins

For this story, Bartholomew and the Cabana Fire, I chose the Miami Dolphins because I think they aptly express Bartholomew's inner environment when he is around Geraldine.  He is unsettled and careening down the tracks without much time or space to think.  The Dolphins frenetic pace and seemingly "train of thought" lyrics fly at the listener and pull them into a roller coaster ride of sound.  There's no getting off until they're done.  But, these frenetic rides don't last long with the average Miami Dolphin song lasting about 1m 30s. 

Cover image from Capri Sun by the Miami Dolphins
The Miami Dolphins play around the Twin Cities regularly.  Check them out.  And check out their songs Venice Beach Widowed and Fruit Salad at Bartholomew and the Cabana Fire.